These are my memoirs in an abbreviated format though I continue to live them in extended experiences and forever memories. The memorable moments that challenged and changed me. Times that made me cry, cringe, cheer or became a cherished memorable moment. Milestones and moments that are forever.
Holding my baby sister for the first time.
Having a sense of conviction that I was a sinner and knew I needed to accept the Lord as my Savior. I remember the moment....sitting in a pew, listening to the message, my feet couldn't reach the floor because I was only four years old so they were in front of me....I was staring at the brown shoes on my feet, knowing I needed Jesus.
The moment I was told I had cancer.
When I saw a car hurtling head on at me in my lane and I realized I couldn't get out of the way in time. I remember the sound of impact, the lurch forward and the instant pain in my back and then sudden stop. And the silence except for my groans.
Sitting on a blanket on the lawn of the Breakers Hotel in Palm Beach, Florida. Vance is positioning his camera on the tripod for a picture. He pulls a small box out of his pocket and hands it to me. I tried to not get my hopes up as I opened it. It wasn't a necklace. It was a beautiful oval diamond ring. I said yes!
Exchanging fearful looks with my pregnant daughter before she was wheeled into the delivery room for an emergency Cesarean section but saying nothing.
Closing my Dad's eyes after he breathed his last breaths.
My mom laid unresponsive in a hospital bed with her face encased in a hard plastic mask with oxygen swirling about her face. She couldn't speak and I wasn't sure if she could hear me when I spoke to her. I wanted to reach her. So I leaned over her bed, putting my face as close as I could to her cheek. She turned her face my way. She knew I was loving her.
The first time I had to take a family pet to be put asleep. The girls insisted on going with me. "We don't want you to go by yourself Mommy." The doctor said there was nothing he could do to help her. So we made the decision to let Pepper go. Afterwards, I asked the veterinarian to place our beloved black cat in my arms instead of the laundry basket I brought her in. I wanted to hold her one more time.
I will never forget the vigil of keeping Mom company as we waited for her to be released from this life into eternal life. She had told me several times that she did not want to die alone like her sister did. I was glad to be there for her. And when she was within moments of leaving, holding on to her legs at the bottom of her hospital bed as the nurse checked her vitals. Even though relieved for mom, my heart broke and I sobbed loudly. I felt her leaving. I knew I would always miss her.
I will always remember the agonizing, heart wrenching pain of separation as we drove out of the Windy City, leaving our daughter behind at Bible school. I cried all the way home and when I wasn't crying, I slept out of sheer emotional exhaustion.
A memorable moment was at my first chemotherapy session. I watched the red liquid from the hanging bag on the IV pole as it snaked its way through the clear tubing and entered my body through my port. It was the beginning of a long journey of life out of my norm and in to the new norm of sickness and treatment.
The text in the middle of the night revealing news that forever changed the marital status of our daughter and led us down the painful pathway of wrong decisions and the subsequent devastation that resulted in divorce.
A wayward daughter asking forgiveness to the family as we sat at the dining room table. There was an immediate response from a brother in law after she finished her apology and request for forgiveness. "I forgive you." And the hugs that followed from her sisters and her father.
The time I felt angry with God for failing me because I had cancer in my lymph nodes and needed chemotherapy. It was supposed to have been a small tumor with margins clear. Or so said the doctor. How did it get in my lymph nodes? How could God let me down like this?
The first time I heard my baby's heartbeat. Hearing that little thumping heartbeat made it real to me. I was having a baby.
The first time my firstborn decided she was not interested in nursing anymore. She turned her head away from the breast I offered her. I was sad to end this special bond between the two of us.
I will never forget the first glimpse of my brand new shiny silver Dodge Intrepid parked in front of the dealership. I tried to contain my excitement until I actually had the keys and drove out of the parking lot to head home. MY NEW DREAM CAR! So glad to have been able to have the excitement of owning a brand new car.
Being at the births of all my grandchildren was an awesome privilege. So thankful to have been privy to the miraculous event and see these precious children in their first moments of life. Even greater privilege to be close to my grandchildren and know them on a day to day basis. I know their likes and dislikes, their friends, their habits, their personalities.....I have never taken this closeness for granted. I didn't grow up around my grandparents nor did my children grow up around their grandparents. It was sporadic visits that were good but too infrequent. Our grand kids are used to us always be around. And I am glad about that.
Taking drivers education in high school and fearing for my life because of the horrible driving of Billy Ball. Even the teacher seemed nervous when Billy was behind the wheel.
A proud moment was when my Dad gave the Invocation at my high school graduation. Even though the sound system was not working properly, all the graduates heard him well. I was so glad to have MY Dad on the platform.
Telling my parents that I was one of the hundreds of students that protested the Teachers Walk Out by staging a Student Walk Out and going downtown to protest at the arena where the teachers were meeting.
