It’s your birthday

 It’s your seventy fifth birthday. And you are gone. I am beginning to process this. I see the signs of your absence everyday. The empty chair. No frozen waffles for breakfast. No worn socks turned inside out oleft on the floor. Not hearing your daily phone calls here, thereu and everywhere. Quiet nights. No snoring  So much more is missing. You’ve been gone for six months. Yet, I’m just now experiencing the reality. The numbness is slowly wearing off. 

When I was fighting to recover from Covid, you’d always ask me when I was coming home. I’d answer tomorrow.  It was easier to say that then acknowledging the long recovery journey that loomed ahead. 

And then you had a massive stroke. I wonder when I spoke to you from my hospital bed to yours if you heard me say I loved you and it was ok for you to go. Did you remember why I wasn’t at your bedside?  Did you know how strong our three daughters were through this heartbreaking time? 

But what I really wonder about is how it was when your faith became sight.  When you were face to face beholding our Savior and Lord in all of His glory.  Did you shed your conservative side and raise your hands in worship and praise? Have you been hanging out with the disciples? David? Noah? Moses? Do you see our parents, family and friends that have gone before us?  

You and I shared life for fifty one years, from dating to marriage. We kept our commitment vows. And we kept our faith in the Lord always. Though I have been left behind, I have countless memories and photos. As I go forward as a widow, I will miss my life partner.  But I promise you, I will see you later.  

Always Trusting 

Amy Grant sings Lead Me On

 The first strains of our adopted anthem begins.  We look at each other. We promised each other we would always stand for this song. In unison our concert feet are on the floor. We dance. We raise our hands. As the majority of concert goers do.  

Except once. The concert venue was packed out. My daughter and I had excellent seats on the second row center  The familiar anthem intro begins. But no one else has stood up. We look at each other. We kept our tradition and bravely stood. Two of us. And before we knew it, the entire venue was standing. It was a goosebump moment.  

And whenever I listen to this song, my heart soars, my feet want to dance and I still raise my hands in praise.  Those concert days with daughters and their friends were the best. 

Milestones

 My sister and I grew up hearing our dad proclaiming certain life happenings as milestones. We celebrated most of them. First date, first drivers license, first prom, significant marker birthdays. Except our mom who stayed 29 for ten years, then she was thirty nine for another decade, you see where this is going. But I digress.  

The first birdie out of the nest was college bound me. A definite milestone to celebrate but a bit bittersweet. Perhaps we were not ready for the changes but we adjusted.  And we celebrated every homecoming and time we spent together.

The years passed and family milestones kept coming. Weddings, new babies, growing kids with their milestones from babyhood, childhood and adulthood. Now we are not only going to visit our parents three states away but going to see them as loving grandparents. Special visits. New milestones. Precious memories.  

Sooner than we imagined our family milestones became a balancing bar of role reversal mixed with respect to our aging parents. A major milestone to relocate them to be near us for better care. We only had Mom with us for a year and Dad only two years. And talk about a hard milestone-burying your parents. The hard part was we never talked about this milestone. The only conversation was IF I die not WHEN I die. My sister and I made it through this tough milestone of letting beloved parents go. We were comforted in knowing they both were in heaven, waiting for our reunion one day. 

Today was a milestone for myself and daughters. We designed a grave marker for their dad and myself. Seeing our names on the marker is a ‘suck in your breath’ moment. My husband with a death date. My name eventually will be completed. 

I cannot help but wonder how did we get here so quickly. Yet there are marvelous milestones still ahead. I will embrace them because I know God is my life planner and in control. 

Always trusting.