October 25, 2004
Here comes the bride. The sunny skies were a perfect backdrop for outdoor bridal portrait shots. Our youngest daughter the bride looked like the beautiful princess she always wanted to be as a little girl. She attracted approving glances from admiring bystanders and received numerous verbal compliments. A small private school outing of senior high girls from out of town asked to pose with the princess bride. A little girl with her daddy stopped in her tracks, awestruck to encounter a real life princess. I was reminded of how this is when it begins, the childhood yearning to be a princess bride.
The afternoon of bridal poses ended at our park, a park just a mile from our home. Our park, where we have many family memories beginning when our firstborn had her first swing on its swing set as a toddler. Our park, the place of our traditional summertime birthday parties since our daughter’s second birthday. Our park where we have had family picnics, reunions, and even a Thanksgiving dinner. Our park that my girls and I walked to as a little outing. Our park, where the girls delighted in feeding the ducks our leftover stale bread. Our park, where we rescued an Easter discard, a little yellow duck that became our grand white duck Daisy. Our park, where we now lap the pond for exercise at a brisk walking pace. Our park, where our grandchildren are learning the magic of its playground and pond.
Yes, it is our park and today another memory is added. I will always remember the visions of my grown up girl twirling round and round in her stunning wedding dress, posing for the photographer, as the essence of her dreams is captured on film.
I pray the Lord will grant all her hopes and dreams with a long life and countless blessings. And in my heart, she’ll always be my little piggy tailed girl.
Monday, October 25, 2004
Friday, October 8, 2004
The bald lady talks
October 8, 2004
Being bald has changed my life in more ways than one. I have added a new routine when I come home. First thing I always do when I come in the door is I always kick my shoes off because I dislike wearing shoes in the house. I am a barefoot or slipper girl. Now besides kicking off my shoes, I have added the new routine of flipping my wig off. I dislike wearing it in the house if I don’t have to because it is like wearing a hat and I am not a hat girl.
One day I flipped my wig off and it happened to land on the nearest surface which was the dining room table. I forgot about it and went on about my business. Upon re-entering the dining room later, I was shocked to see our cat, Sam lying on my nicely decorated autumn theme dining room table. The nerve of that cat, I thought. I indignantly yelled, “Sam!” I felt very foolish when I realized it was my wig. So the dining room table isn’t the best place to flip my wig. I tried roosting it on the two-shelf unit above the commode in our bathroom. But then I realized as frequently as the lid is left up, I’d hate to retrieve and wear a wig that had landed in the toilet bowl. I’ve decided the bedpost might be a safer place.
Not having to fix my hair in the morning is a real time saver. Being bald is also a money saver because I don’t need any hair spray, mousse, shampoo and conditioner in the quantities as before. Also avoiding looking in the mirror is a new habit I am acquiring. This morning I forgot and glanced in the mirror, expecting to see my usual morning rooster hair. I was surprised again by my new look.
It helps me that my husband has a great attitude about my baldness. If he had an attitude like he couldn’t wait till it grows back in, I would feel even more miserable. He rubs my head affectionately and complimented me on my nicely shaped small head. I was sure he was going to think it was huge because the starkness of the baldness makes it seem big to me.
My Top Ten List Why Being Bald Ain’t All Bad
10• My hair isn’t in my way when I am putting on my make up.
9. Not having to fix my hair saves time.
8. My hair curlers are not cluttering the countertop anymore.
7• I don’t need to brush stray hairs off my shoulders.
6• I am saving a fortune on hair spray, shampoo, conditioner and mousse.
5• I don’t have to blow dry my hair after a shower.
4. I don’t have morning hair when I get up in the morning.
3. I am not inhaling hair spray on a daily basis.
2. Bad hair days are a thing of the past.
1• I can flip my wig anytime I want to.
A sense of humor helps me get through this difficult time. My wig is exceptionally nice and most people don’t realize it is a wig until I mention it. I am naturally conscious of it being a wig because I feel it sitting on my head like a hat. That is why I like it off as soon as I get home. It is true that your heat goes out your head. Sometimes my head gets very cold and I feel chilled to my bones. Then I put on a soft chenille hat and warm myself up. I am less shy about other people seeing me my baldness in my home but I am not thinking about going out in public without my wig. The other day someone was about to compliment me on my ‘highlights’ and couldn’t believe it was my wig. So I flipped it off and showed her. Even my doctor didn’t realize I had lost all of my hair until I told him. So I am thankful to have an alternative plan that makes me feel as normal as possible when I go out. I calculated it would be about a year from now before I have a normal head of hair again. It seems like forever to me.
January 26, 2005
I went to work since all I have to do is sit at a desk. I felt so bad though that I didn’t bother to wear my wig. I didn’t feel like coping with it too, so I just wore my chenille hat. I ended up taking that off since my head got too hot. Today I just didn’t care about the baldness factor.
When I went to get lunch, I was sitting in the drive-thru when an unkempt man in a wheel chair rolled up to each of the cars waiting in line and begged for money. When he reached my car, he addressed me as SIR, due to my bald head I presume. Amazingly, that did not devastate me.
This incident just shows me how much I have changed from my initial response concerning going bald. I was never going to go out without my wig. I even wondered at first if I really wanted my family to see me bald. I changed my idea about that really quickly. I sure wouldn’t want to wear my wig around the house twenty-four seven.
On our trip to Florida, I traveled with my chenille hat rather than my wig. It is much softer and more comfortable than my wig. We stopped to eat lunch at Shoney’s and it was the first time I had worn my chenille hat into a restaurant. But soon my head became too hot so I took of my hat. My husband was surprised since I had always been so adamant about hiding my baldness from the view of others. I didn’t want people seeing me as cancer patient. But being out of town gave me a cushion of comfort. I didn’t know any of these people and wouldn’t see them again so I didn’t really care if they saw me bald.
My friends too, have seen me bald on several occasions. I even took my wig off after a fellowship at church last week. It was a spontaneous moment and I don’t know what possessed me. I was talking to a soldier that had just come home from a year in Iraq. I told him my hair was much shorter then his and suddenly just flipped off my wig to show him. Many people at church remark about how good I look, maybe meaning how I don’t look like I am going through cancer treatment. Standing there with my bald head must have brought a dose of reality to a few people, because I became the recipient of several hugs. Hugs are always nice though for whatever reason.
April 7, 2005
I stepped even further out of my comfort zone. I made an unexpected lunch date with a good friend and since I had left the house without my wig, I went to Applebee’s with my ultra short-cropped hair. I mean I am talking about the shortest buzz cut possible. I felt quite conspicuous as I arrived first and walked to our table alone. When my friend arrived and was looking for me, the hostess asked her if her friend was the one with the short hair. Well, that is better than bald.
April 20, 2005
Since the weather got warmer, I am not wearing my chenille hats anymore. I mainly wear my wig only on Sundays now. The hair growth I have is sufficient enough to give me more guts to go out in public without my wig. I remember the first time I drove my car without my wig. I felt totally conspicuous. Now I feel less and less conspicuous. The list is growing of all the places I have gone without my wig. I marvel at how I have changed about this hair issue. I didn’t want to stand out with my cancer slash chemo look. I have been trying to figure out if my attitude is healthier, braver or I don’t care anymore because I am just plain worn out. Maybe it is all of the above.
Being bald has changed my life in more ways than one. I have added a new routine when I come home. First thing I always do when I come in the door is I always kick my shoes off because I dislike wearing shoes in the house. I am a barefoot or slipper girl. Now besides kicking off my shoes, I have added the new routine of flipping my wig off. I dislike wearing it in the house if I don’t have to because it is like wearing a hat and I am not a hat girl.
One day I flipped my wig off and it happened to land on the nearest surface which was the dining room table. I forgot about it and went on about my business. Upon re-entering the dining room later, I was shocked to see our cat, Sam lying on my nicely decorated autumn theme dining room table. The nerve of that cat, I thought. I indignantly yelled, “Sam!” I felt very foolish when I realized it was my wig. So the dining room table isn’t the best place to flip my wig. I tried roosting it on the two-shelf unit above the commode in our bathroom. But then I realized as frequently as the lid is left up, I’d hate to retrieve and wear a wig that had landed in the toilet bowl. I’ve decided the bedpost might be a safer place.
Not having to fix my hair in the morning is a real time saver. Being bald is also a money saver because I don’t need any hair spray, mousse, shampoo and conditioner in the quantities as before. Also avoiding looking in the mirror is a new habit I am acquiring. This morning I forgot and glanced in the mirror, expecting to see my usual morning rooster hair. I was surprised again by my new look.
It helps me that my husband has a great attitude about my baldness. If he had an attitude like he couldn’t wait till it grows back in, I would feel even more miserable. He rubs my head affectionately and complimented me on my nicely shaped small head. I was sure he was going to think it was huge because the starkness of the baldness makes it seem big to me.
My Top Ten List Why Being Bald Ain’t All Bad
10• My hair isn’t in my way when I am putting on my make up.
9. Not having to fix my hair saves time.
8. My hair curlers are not cluttering the countertop anymore.
7• I don’t need to brush stray hairs off my shoulders.
6• I am saving a fortune on hair spray, shampoo, conditioner and mousse.
5• I don’t have to blow dry my hair after a shower.
4. I don’t have morning hair when I get up in the morning.
3. I am not inhaling hair spray on a daily basis.
2. Bad hair days are a thing of the past.
1• I can flip my wig anytime I want to.
A sense of humor helps me get through this difficult time. My wig is exceptionally nice and most people don’t realize it is a wig until I mention it. I am naturally conscious of it being a wig because I feel it sitting on my head like a hat. That is why I like it off as soon as I get home. It is true that your heat goes out your head. Sometimes my head gets very cold and I feel chilled to my bones. Then I put on a soft chenille hat and warm myself up. I am less shy about other people seeing me my baldness in my home but I am not thinking about going out in public without my wig. The other day someone was about to compliment me on my ‘highlights’ and couldn’t believe it was my wig. So I flipped it off and showed her. Even my doctor didn’t realize I had lost all of my hair until I told him. So I am thankful to have an alternative plan that makes me feel as normal as possible when I go out. I calculated it would be about a year from now before I have a normal head of hair again. It seems like forever to me.
January 26, 2005
I went to work since all I have to do is sit at a desk. I felt so bad though that I didn’t bother to wear my wig. I didn’t feel like coping with it too, so I just wore my chenille hat. I ended up taking that off since my head got too hot. Today I just didn’t care about the baldness factor.
When I went to get lunch, I was sitting in the drive-thru when an unkempt man in a wheel chair rolled up to each of the cars waiting in line and begged for money. When he reached my car, he addressed me as SIR, due to my bald head I presume. Amazingly, that did not devastate me.
This incident just shows me how much I have changed from my initial response concerning going bald. I was never going to go out without my wig. I even wondered at first if I really wanted my family to see me bald. I changed my idea about that really quickly. I sure wouldn’t want to wear my wig around the house twenty-four seven.
On our trip to Florida, I traveled with my chenille hat rather than my wig. It is much softer and more comfortable than my wig. We stopped to eat lunch at Shoney’s and it was the first time I had worn my chenille hat into a restaurant. But soon my head became too hot so I took of my hat. My husband was surprised since I had always been so adamant about hiding my baldness from the view of others. I didn’t want people seeing me as cancer patient. But being out of town gave me a cushion of comfort. I didn’t know any of these people and wouldn’t see them again so I didn’t really care if they saw me bald.
My friends too, have seen me bald on several occasions. I even took my wig off after a fellowship at church last week. It was a spontaneous moment and I don’t know what possessed me. I was talking to a soldier that had just come home from a year in Iraq. I told him my hair was much shorter then his and suddenly just flipped off my wig to show him. Many people at church remark about how good I look, maybe meaning how I don’t look like I am going through cancer treatment. Standing there with my bald head must have brought a dose of reality to a few people, because I became the recipient of several hugs. Hugs are always nice though for whatever reason.
April 7, 2005
I stepped even further out of my comfort zone. I made an unexpected lunch date with a good friend and since I had left the house without my wig, I went to Applebee’s with my ultra short-cropped hair. I mean I am talking about the shortest buzz cut possible. I felt quite conspicuous as I arrived first and walked to our table alone. When my friend arrived and was looking for me, the hostess asked her if her friend was the one with the short hair. Well, that is better than bald.
April 20, 2005
Since the weather got warmer, I am not wearing my chenille hats anymore. I mainly wear my wig only on Sundays now. The hair growth I have is sufficient enough to give me more guts to go out in public without my wig. I remember the first time I drove my car without my wig. I felt totally conspicuous. Now I feel less and less conspicuous. The list is growing of all the places I have gone without my wig. I marvel at how I have changed about this hair issue. I didn’t want to stand out with my cancer slash chemo look. I have been trying to figure out if my attitude is healthier, braver or I don’t care anymore because I am just plain worn out. Maybe it is all of the above.
Monday, October 4, 2004
Becoming a teacup
October 4, 2004
Tonight my youngest daughter read me a devotional from her book, 15 Minute Devotions for Couples by Bob and Emilie Barnes. The title of the devotional, “Not Yet” sparked her interest and ended up touching both of our hearts. I will never see a teacup again without thinking of this lesson.
James 1:2-4 Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
“Not Yet"
There was a couple who used to go to England to shop in the beautiful stores. This was their twenty-fifth wedding anniversary. They both liked antiques and pottery and especially teacups. One day in this beautiful shop they saw a beautiful teacup. They said, “May we see that? We’ve never seen one quite so beautiful.” As the lady handed it to them, suddenly the teacup spoke. “You don’t understand,” it said. “I haven’t always been a teacup. There was a time when I was red and I was clay. My master took me and rolled me and patted me over and over and I yelled out, “let me alone.’ But he only smiled, ‘Not yet.’
“Then I was placed on a spinning wheel,” the teacup said, “and suddenly I was spun around and around. ‘Stop it! I’m getting dizzy!” I screamed. But the master only nodded and said, “Not yet.”
Then he put me in the oven. I never felt such heat. I wondered why he wanted to burn me, and I yelled, and I knocked at that door. I could see him through the opening and I could read his lips as he shook his head, ‘Not yet."
Finally the door opened, he put me on the shelf, and I began to cool. “There, that’s better,” I said. And he brushed and painted me all over. The fumes were horrible. I thought I would gag. “Stop it, stop it!’ I cried. He only nodded, ‘Not yet.’
Then suddenly he put me back into the oven, not like the first one. This was twice as hot and I knew I would suffocate. I begged. I pleaded. I screamed. I cried. All the time I could see him through the opening nodding his head, saying, ‘Not yet.’
“Then I knew there wasn’t any hope. I would never make it. I was ready to give up. But the door opened and he took me out and placed me on the shelf. One hour later he handed me a mirror and said, ‘Look at you.’ And I did. I said, “That’s not me; that couldn’t be me. It’s beautiful. I’m beautiful.”
“I want you to remember, then," he said, “I know it hurt to be rolled and patted, but if I just left you, you’d have dried up. I know it made you dizzy to spin around on the wheel, but if I had stopped, you would have crumbled. I know it hurt and it was hot and disagreeable in the oven, but if I hadn’t put you there, you would have cracked. I know the fumes were bad when I brushed and painted you all over, but if I hadn’t done that, you never would have hardened. You would not have had any color in your life, and if I hadn’t put you back in that second oven, you wouldn’t survive for very long because the hardness would not have held. Now you are a finished product. You are what I had in mind when I first began with you.’”
Lord, thank you for the trials you bring to our life because we know it is for our ultimate good. Even when we feel like screaming or rebelling, may we always be reminded you are in control and be able to see the greater beauty in the teacup of our life.
Tonight my youngest daughter read me a devotional from her book, 15 Minute Devotions for Couples by Bob and Emilie Barnes. The title of the devotional, “Not Yet” sparked her interest and ended up touching both of our hearts. I will never see a teacup again without thinking of this lesson.
James 1:2-4 Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
“Not Yet"
There was a couple who used to go to England to shop in the beautiful stores. This was their twenty-fifth wedding anniversary. They both liked antiques and pottery and especially teacups. One day in this beautiful shop they saw a beautiful teacup. They said, “May we see that? We’ve never seen one quite so beautiful.” As the lady handed it to them, suddenly the teacup spoke. “You don’t understand,” it said. “I haven’t always been a teacup. There was a time when I was red and I was clay. My master took me and rolled me and patted me over and over and I yelled out, “let me alone.’ But he only smiled, ‘Not yet.’
“Then I was placed on a spinning wheel,” the teacup said, “and suddenly I was spun around and around. ‘Stop it! I’m getting dizzy!” I screamed. But the master only nodded and said, “Not yet.”
Then he put me in the oven. I never felt such heat. I wondered why he wanted to burn me, and I yelled, and I knocked at that door. I could see him through the opening and I could read his lips as he shook his head, ‘Not yet."
Finally the door opened, he put me on the shelf, and I began to cool. “There, that’s better,” I said. And he brushed and painted me all over. The fumes were horrible. I thought I would gag. “Stop it, stop it!’ I cried. He only nodded, ‘Not yet.’
Then suddenly he put me back into the oven, not like the first one. This was twice as hot and I knew I would suffocate. I begged. I pleaded. I screamed. I cried. All the time I could see him through the opening nodding his head, saying, ‘Not yet.’
“Then I knew there wasn’t any hope. I would never make it. I was ready to give up. But the door opened and he took me out and placed me on the shelf. One hour later he handed me a mirror and said, ‘Look at you.’ And I did. I said, “That’s not me; that couldn’t be me. It’s beautiful. I’m beautiful.”
“I want you to remember, then," he said, “I know it hurt to be rolled and patted, but if I just left you, you’d have dried up. I know it made you dizzy to spin around on the wheel, but if I had stopped, you would have crumbled. I know it hurt and it was hot and disagreeable in the oven, but if I hadn’t put you there, you would have cracked. I know the fumes were bad when I brushed and painted you all over, but if I hadn’t done that, you never would have hardened. You would not have had any color in your life, and if I hadn’t put you back in that second oven, you wouldn’t survive for very long because the hardness would not have held. Now you are a finished product. You are what I had in mind when I first began with you.’”
Lord, thank you for the trials you bring to our life because we know it is for our ultimate good. Even when we feel like screaming or rebelling, may we always be reminded you are in control and be able to see the greater beauty in the teacup of our life.
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