The bald lady talks

October 8, 2004

Being bald has changed my life in more ways than one. I have added a new routine when I come home. First thing I always do when I come in the door is I always kick my shoes off because I dislike wearing shoes in the house. I am a barefoot or slipper girl. Now besides kicking off my shoes, I have added the new routine of flipping my wig off. I dislike wearing it in the house if I don’t have to because it is like wearing a hat and I am not a hat girl.

One day I flipped my wig off and it happened to land on the nearest surface which was the dining room table. I forgot about it and went on about my business. Upon re-entering the dining room later, I was shocked to see our cat, Sam lying on my nicely decorated autumn theme dining room table. The nerve of that cat, I thought. I indignantly yelled, “Sam!” I felt very foolish when I realized it was my wig. So the dining room table isn’t the best place to flip my wig. I tried roosting it on the two-shelf unit above the commode in our bathroom. But then I realized as frequently as the lid is left up, I’d hate to retrieve and wear a wig that had landed in the toilet bowl. I’ve decided the bedpost might be a safer place.

Not having to fix my hair in the morning is a real time saver. Being bald is also a money saver because I don’t need any hair spray, mousse, shampoo and conditioner in the quantities as before. Also avoiding looking in the mirror is a new habit I am acquiring. This morning I forgot and glanced in the mirror, expecting to see my usual morning rooster hair. I was surprised again by my new look.

It helps me that my husband has a great attitude about my baldness. If he had an attitude like he couldn’t wait till it grows back in, I would feel even more miserable. He rubs my head affectionately and complimented me on my nicely shaped small head. I was sure he was going to think it was huge because the starkness of the baldness makes it seem big to me.

My Top Ten List Why Being Bald Ain’t All Bad
10• My hair isn’t in my way when I am putting on my make up.
9. Not having to fix my hair saves time.
8. My hair curlers are not cluttering the countertop anymore.
7• I don’t need to brush stray hairs off my shoulders.
6• I am saving a fortune on hair spray, shampoo, conditioner and mousse.
5• I don’t have to blow dry my hair after a shower.
4. I don’t have morning hair when I get up in the morning.
3. I am not inhaling hair spray on a daily basis.
2. Bad hair days are a thing of the past.
1• I can flip my wig anytime I want to.

A sense of humor helps me get through this difficult time. My wig is exceptionally nice and most people don’t realize it is a wig until I mention it. I am naturally conscious of it being a wig because I feel it sitting on my head like a hat. That is why I like it off as soon as I get home. It is true that your heat goes out your head. Sometimes my head gets very cold and I feel chilled to my bones. Then I put on a soft chenille hat and warm myself up. I am less shy about other people seeing me my baldness in my home but I am not thinking about going out in public without my wig. The other day someone was about to compliment me on my ‘highlights’ and couldn’t believe it was my wig. So I flipped it off and showed her. Even my doctor didn’t realize I had lost all of my hair until I told him. So I am thankful to have an alternative plan that makes me feel as normal as possible when I go out. I calculated it would be about a year from now before I have a normal head of hair again. It seems like forever to me.

January 26, 2005

I went to work since all I have to do is sit at a desk. I felt so bad though that I didn’t bother to wear my wig. I didn’t feel like coping with it too, so I just wore my chenille hat. I ended up taking that off since my head got too hot. Today I just didn’t care about the baldness factor.

When I went to get lunch, I was sitting in the drive-thru when an unkempt man in a wheel chair rolled up to each of the cars waiting in line and begged for money. When he reached my car, he addressed me as SIR, due to my bald head I presume. Amazingly, that did not devastate me.

This incident just shows me how much I have changed from my initial response concerning going bald. I was never going to go out without my wig. I even wondered at first if I really wanted my family to see me bald. I changed my idea about that really quickly. I sure wouldn’t want to wear my wig around the house twenty-four seven.

On our trip to Florida, I traveled with my chenille hat rather than my wig. It is much softer and more comfortable than my wig. We stopped to eat lunch at Shoney’s and it was the first time I had worn my chenille hat into a restaurant. But soon my head became too hot so I took of my hat. My husband was surprised since I had always been so adamant about hiding my baldness from the view of others. I didn’t want people seeing me as cancer patient. But being out of town gave me a cushion of comfort. I didn’t know any of these people and wouldn’t see them again so I didn’t really care if they saw me bald.

My friends too, have seen me bald on several occasions. I even took my wig off after a fellowship at church last week. It was a spontaneous moment and I don’t know what possessed me. I was talking to a soldier that had just come home from a year in Iraq. I told him my hair was much shorter then his and suddenly just flipped off my wig to show him. Many people at church remark about how good I look, maybe meaning how I don’t look like I am going through cancer treatment. Standing there with my bald head must have brought a dose of reality to a few people, because I became the recipient of several hugs. Hugs are always nice though for whatever reason.

April 7, 2005
I stepped even further out of my comfort zone. I made an unexpected lunch date with a good friend and since I had left the house without my wig, I went to Applebee’s with my ultra short-cropped hair. I mean I am talking about the shortest buzz cut possible. I felt quite conspicuous as I arrived first and walked to our table alone. When my friend arrived and was looking for me, the hostess asked her if her friend was the one with the short hair. Well, that is better than bald.

April 20, 2005
Since the weather got warmer, I am not wearing my chenille hats anymore. I mainly wear my wig only on Sundays now. The hair growth I have is sufficient enough to give me more guts to go out in public without my wig. I remember the first time I drove my car without my wig. I felt totally conspicuous. Now I feel less and less conspicuous. The list is growing of all the places I have gone without my wig. I marvel at how I have changed about this hair issue. I didn’t want to stand out with my cancer slash chemo look. I have been trying to figure out if my attitude is healthier, braver or I don’t care anymore because I am just plain worn out. Maybe it is all of the above.